THE BOY CHILD

Been wondering for sometime now and i know most of you have also wondered with me.The boy child,and especially the boy child from central.I am from central,let not my skin color convince you otherwise,so as i write this,i do not want to be labeled tribal.The boy child from central is wanting.

Have you sat down and asked yourself why we have so many single mothers and single women today?Have you? And as you asked yourself this,have you also concluded just like the rest of the people that it is because of the ratio of men to women?have you? Have you settled for that stupid scientific data by our so called 'audit firms'? If you have,i judge you not because i for one,believed that too.I sternly believed that we,women are more than men and that's why we have so many single women than men.

But the again,i began to wonder,especially with the current happenings.Remember the shameless duo in the Githurai bus that watched and recorded the heinous/detestable act of a lady being sexually molested?Yea,its still very clear in my mind even after deleting it from my gallery.That video made me shed a tear,a painful 'woman' tear! I just saw myself in it,i imagined being mishandled in that state,, and it was so painful.Any woman would agree with me.

Then to the relief o the state,the driver and his tout were arrested and arraigned in court,and that's when my worries were confirmed.Their second names betrayed them,they were from central,yea,see where i'm coming from now? Let me take you back to the Embassava stage where the very first lady was stripped for dressing 'her choice'. I was not there but i'm forced to believe that the participants were if not all from central too,i stand corrected, but have you also not noted that most of our touts are from central?I have nothing against touts,i respect everyone's profession like it were my own.

Earlier on,there was a piece trending online about the Kayole gang that had been cracked down by the police. The gang leader was from Central again!!Avery young man of about 21 years with so much energy but generated to the wrong side.So just but a few instances.

I'm forced to wonder,did we empower the girl child so much and forgot about the boy child?Did we talk the girl child into professionalism and academic heroism and forgot the boy child? Did we somehow forget that the empowered girl child will need a boy to marry one day? Or did we probably think the boy child is man enough to empower himself and forgot he is also as human as the girl child?That he needs someone to push him to life?To studying? To professionalism?To academic Heroism?

Could this be the reason why the boy child is shamelessly stripping the modern empowered woman and even sexually harassing her in public?Could this be why the boy child is ending up in thug life in the name of empowering himself? Could this be why our women are so single even in their late 40s because they have lacked a man enough to marry them/a man who is self empowered and doing so well?Better than them?Could this be why Njoki Chege is so bitter with the way our men are living their lives?

I stand to be corrected,i was just passing my opinion.And my opinion is that,women are not more than men,no!!Women are more empowered than men hence the said difference.Someone needs to empower our boys!

GROUPS OF PEOPLE IN THE PSVs

I'm about to start a hash tag on matatus before i get my own ride although i will miss this group of people once a go solo.

1.WOMAN WITH 5 KIDS
Now don't get me wrong,i love kids,God knows how i cant wait to get mine,but every time i board a matatu and this mama with 5 kids sits next to me,i just whisper a prayer!!She does not pay for any!!she shoves them between herself and i and every time we hit a bump,one is secretly trying to sit on me,the other one steps on me and presses hard,the third on is secretly squeezing herself between her mother and i,the forth one is staring at me helplessly and if i try and look at the mama suggestively she gives me that eye!!Woiye 

2.WOMAN WITH CUTE KID
This is the part where i go awwwwwwwwww!!Don't you just adore that cute baby who keeps staring at you and you just cant help but play funny faces on them!!Those kids you just don't mind when they step on you because the cute nature makes you forget you were smart for a date!!Lol  i adore them.

3.PEOPLE WHO SING ALONG TO EVERY SONG LOUDLY
This group makes me wonder!!Nigga did you somehow make the wrong move on your career and missed the part where you can sing??Coz i just can't stand your voice singing to every song to our destination.And the fact that you are singing makes the journey longer!!Please hush and sing in your bathroom.

4.PEOPLE WHO PASS HITTING EVERY SITED PASSENGER WITH THEIR BAGS!!
This has to be the most annoying lot in the whole lot!When you board a matatu with all your laggage please mind those of us who boarded earlier and are seated peacefully playing candy crash!!Better yet hold your bag in a position that you will not mess someone's hairstyle or hit someone's shoulder!!

5.PEOPLE WHO SIT LIKE THEY OWN THE SEAT
If Kalkye Mumo is not your competition,please sit like someone else is going to sit and PAY for the seat next to you!!Its a public matatu for crying out loud!

6.LOST GROUP
Now we have all been in this situation but some are way too stubborn!You are going to bae's place for the first time and he told you to alight at a certain destination,but you decide to remind the conductor at every stage!!I know they sometimes forget but hey,your bae stays karibu na mwisho lol,relax.

7.PEOPLE WITH HILARIOUS PRONUNCIATIONS
There's a particular name for a stage common in almost all routes 'JUNCTION'.But wait until someone from the back shouts 'Nishukishe hapo 'JAKSHON',,,,i die!!I totally love this lot!

8.THE HUNGRY LOT
I don't know whether its bad luck or a spell that was cast on me because every time i board a matatu hungry,the guy next to me opens a bag of chips! I get hungrier!!

9.THE SLEEPY HEADS
They get annoying when the sleep gets intense and they fall on your shoulders!!It gets funny when they fall and hit the window!I love and hate this lot!

10.THE EAVES DROPPERS
The worst group!!Cant keep their eyes off your phone!!Hate this group!If you have nothing interesting to do with your phone,please sleep and hit the window then ill laugh!

I WANT THIS CONTRACT WITH OUR LOCAL SUPERMARKETS

I guess i should start up a contract company with every service providers in our Country.The most annoying things i go through to enjoy services and products in my country sometimes leave me wondering and cursing the managers and owners of these places.So below is yet another contract i would love to sign with SOME of our local supermarkets due to these 5 annoying things in the supermarkets!!

1.SWEETS FOR CHANGE

Top on my list it had to be!!Sweets in place of coins!!First of all i would love to meet the guy who came up with the idea of giving customers sweets in place of coins!!!Im left wondering whether if i went up to the same teller with sweets to fill up the amount needed to buy something,whether they’ll actually take them.And the cruelty that is written on their faces as they hand you the sweets(cheap sweets) and look the other way or gesture the next person!!Damn it!!!Some of us don’t chew sweets!!Cheap sweets to be more exact!!Give Eclairs if you must.Get coins or change the prices on your products to suit your clients.Better yet,have someone walk around town and exchange coins from our beggars with you.

2.EMPTY TELLERS

I walk into a supermarket after work when every one else is shopping and i just want to buy a bottle of cold soda and bread for my family because every time mum buys bread from our local ka shop i complain of the poor quality and taste.And the only way to shut me up,mum tells me to drop by the supermarket and bring bread with me home.So im there queuing up with the family size bread and my kasoda. Right in front of me is this woman who has this big trolley full of household staff and she makes me lose all hope of reaching the teller,I look aside at the next line and Jesus!!!There is a guy,God bless him,with anaa trolley full of groceries!!Lord Jesus,i finally bump into a Nairobi man who shops for groceries!!I just stick to my queue because the last time i shifted lines,the one i had left started moving and 3 people were served before i was SMH!..i am the impatient woman,i sometimes wonder whether ill wait up for my baby for 9 dreadful months!!!Wish some would pop out earlier but then again i was created a woman so i have to exercise patience anyway.So the impatience in me keeps growing and in my mind im thinking of how the matatus will keep hiking the fare with every minute that passes and im afraid ill use up all money with me before i get attended to.Damn it!!Fill in your tellers or hire me i have some accounting knowledge!!!!And especially in the evenings when everyone is shopping!!

3.IGNORANT STAFF WHO HAVE NO IDEA WHERE SOME ITEMS ARE LOCATED

There is a particular supermarket that has very peculiar staff who always have no idea what you are asking for or who tell you they do not have that item in stock!!Better yet,they walk away from you when they see you approaching them with a question!!Ngai!!i feel irritated and i want to run after them and pull them back to their work station and ask my damn question!!!!!!If your staff do not know where this item is,Fire them or train them or assign each to a particular line of items.Have one or two at the groceries,one at the toiletries,another at the beverages ans so on!!!I don’t have to walk round the whole supermarket looking for wet wipes that have been placed in the rice section by yet another uninformed staff!!Again have your staff know what all items are for and what their names are!!Like i once asked for ‘simsim’ and this poor lady told me ‘hatuna hiyo madam’ only to find them at the choclate section right behind her after i was directed by another customer!!Almost hit her with them arggghhh.

4.PRICES

Place all items at their respective price tag!!!I go and pick up my favourite Vaseline cocoa butter lotion placed on top of a Ksh300 price tag only to be surpised by the bar code reader with a price of Ksh350!!that fifty bob was my next day’s fare to work and because i couldnt go without lotion lest i looked like our guys who don’t use any lotion,i had to rush to the ATM to withdraw some cash!!So please ensure the prices reading on the shelves are the same prices the barcode reader will detect!!

5.STORY TELLING TELLERS

Can all tellers be warned tat they are paid to serve me!!Feels like hitting or throwing things at them when all they can do is talk and laugh as they serve us thinking how good of multitaskers they are only to slow down the operation!!Work people ,we are a working nation,we shall talk after work damn it!!

STILL TO COME,A CONTRACT I WOULD LOVE TO SIGN WITH OUR LOCAL BANKS

I WANT THIS CONTRACT WITH OUR MATATU SECTOR

The other Sunday i boarded a matatu from Parklands Baptist Church after the service to town, @ 30 bob per person,I was with my sister so that totals to 60 bob for the two of us.Ofcourse when you have a big sister you are paid for fare,,how i wish i had one.So i gave the tout 100 bob and gestured him ‘Two”.Now usually,im the impatient passenger who asks for her change as soon as possible,the same way the makanga will demand for the fare,you might think yu will escape through the window.

Reached town and he still hadn’t given me my 40 bob change.We alighted at Posta and then i went up to him demanding my balance,he gave me 35 bob and told me hana five bob.Okay,,i took it and we walked to our destination for lunch.But the 5 shillings kept itching me,in my heart i was hoping ill get in to the same mat and give im 5 shillings less and see if he’d remember me.So i have come up with a contract i would want to sign with the matatu sector if possible.

1.CHANGE(BALANCE)

The same way your makanga asks for the fare and doesnt leave my seat without my fare is the same way i want  my balance,have ready change with you,story ya nitakupa change badae sitaki unless yuou will allow me topay as a alight in any case,in other businesses we pay after the service has been enjoyed.

2.TIMING

I sometimes wonder how hungry for money these touts are,yaani i board a matatu at World Business Centre,route 105/30 for Upper Westlands or Kinoo/Kikuyu if you want,and by the time we are at Bazaar makanga ashaanza kuitisha fare.Boss hata sijaskia utamu wa gari,atleast let me ride upto Westlands or Waruku halfway my destination then i can judge the quality of your services,nijue ama nitashukia hapo ama i will continue riding with you.You know some of these matatus are so attractive from outside but wait till you board them and it starts moving.I mean a matatu looks like it has music only to have a fucking journey all the way,the only noise you hear is that of the makanga arguing with passengers who heard that gari ni 50 only to be told gari ni 80!!Btw you need one person to be the one calling the passengers,si huyu anasema hamsini gari then the makanga incharge starts asking for 80 bob in a very loud mouth!!!Please be consistent with your charges.

 3AIR CONDITIONING

God has blessed each one of us with a different kind of profession,and each one of us works from various towns and cities within Nairobi or even outside Nairobi.Moreover,we have all been blessed with varying salaries and wages and what so and so can afford is not the same as what so and so can afford,What im i getting at with this,im trying to say that there are those who can afford decent colognes and deodorants are those who chose to go natural.There are those who work in offices withing the CBD and there are those who work from Industrial area and other busy towns.Note he difference in  these groups of people is that some will sweat all day from handy jobs and some will swing their office chairs all day and still ride in the same matatu at the end of the day.Now i do not want to open my window in that matatu and lose my smart phone to yet another Nairobi ‘employee’ who makes a living out of snatching phones.So please put up some AC in your matatus to favor all of us.That way ata fare sitaskia uchungu kulipa

4.MUSIC

Now we are all in a different age group every day that passes.Like today is my birthday and im a year older,We have  someone who is in their 30s and others 50s and so on.Now the kind of music you play in them matatus should be well chosen according to the majority in the mat.I know you cannot play what everyone likes BUT you can look at the  passengers and decide im going to play Ohangla through out the trip.I find it very unrealistic and uncouth when i board a matatu for Kawangware usually 103 that is full of women going to the market and the music playing there is Konshens Pull up to me bumber!!!!Im left busy scrolling on my phone and pretending not to see anything on the screens because i am ashamed!!!Again dnt play the Mike Rua’s bad mannered songs in a matatu that has a mixture of young people and the elderly.Play such when you are taking the Friday night lovers home from a busy evening at I Club pulling em bumpers to their groins!!!Again,when you are taking people home from work,pleas play some nice soothing music,that will calm my brain,can you imagine a whole day taking in shouts from my Asian boss then board a matatu playing those Noisy Oldskool music!!!Some old time classic songs will do,Lionel Richie to be exact or ask me for a flash disk and i swear you will love my taste.

5.KUSHUKISHWA HARAKA

Now i have so much beef with almost all touts when it comes to alighting.Dude,you soothed me ,even held me by the shoulder to board your matatu was taken aback by the hospitality.So please when its my time to now alight,come pick me from my seat and ask me to shuka i have arrived at my destination,and if possible hold my hand down the two stairs but only if you are as clean otherwise let me take my time alighting,,story za harakisha madam sitaki.Still on this,can you please always keep your word on where exactly you are going.The other day i boarded a mat from TRM hoping to be taken till town only to be dropped at Ngara and given back 20 bob to get anaa mat.Do you know how bad it feels!!How badly we curse you!!!If you are not sure where you are going get your matatu out of the roads and leave the serious ones to work!!!

STILL TO COME,A CONTRACT I WOULD LIKE TO SIGN WITH THE SUPERMARKETS.

THE SIXTY BOB DATE

When they say Mwanamke ni Standards na mwanaume ni effort,they mean it!!I have my standards,and i expect any man trying to woo me or asking me out will put effort to meet my standards.So before i tell you my story,any man out there should make an effort to match any lady he is taking out on a date lest he loses the girl over such a petty amount like 60 shillings.

So i met this guy and we started chatting over whatsapp.He is my type of guy because we would chat day and night,always,anytime.. Thats what i like,i mean that’s what any woman wants,ATTENTION!!text her,call her up anytime ask her how her day has been,watch churchill together on text,tell each other which comedian makes you happy,which one bores you to death!!that’s what we like!!Give her all the attention and you’ll never beg for that cookie.Unfortunately my date didn’t get to that ‘cookie’ because of the following. The following events took place on 26th July 2014 from 2.15pm to 5.00pm.

So on this Saturday i was all psyched up and really looking forward to a tour in Thika Road Mall commonly known as TRM,which happened to be my first time.It was his idea to take me for the tour.Have i told you this was our third date?Oh wait it was!First date was a coffee date of course at a venue of my choice,you know,told you about STANDARDS.Yes and we met at the MUG behind 20th Century Cinema.I ordered my favorite Vanilla Milkshake and he ordered Cappuccino.Date went well,he paid for the bill which is expected and yea we called for another date.

Second date was at Alliance Francais there was a comedy going down by the hilarious Heartstrings entertainment.I love arts,i love watching these plays so i got the tickets,follow my STANDARDS,tickets were going for 500 bob  each so i spent 1000 bob.Usually i leave work at 5.00pm,in Westlands,so i got to town by 5.30pm.The play was scheduled to kick off at 6.30pm.So in my mind,or rather in any sane mind i expected him to arrive early enough so we can talk over coffee then proceed to the auditorium for the play.But no,i went and grabbed a quick snack when 6.00pm fikad and he had not showed up.I dropped him a text asking him if he was still coming and he confirmed so after i finished my snack,i proceeded to Alliance.

The doors to the auditorium opened at 6.45pm and he had not arrived yet!!Damn it i’m the impatient woman,the kind that if we agree to meet up for a date at 5 and you when that clock hits 5 and you tell me ndio unatoka kwa hao.i’ll tell you to go back!!!Respect that i found time for you,Respect that!!Nigaa!!So i got in and took my seat at the front row,that’s where i see and hear well literally,no joke can pass!!He still hadn’t even texted or whatsapped me to tell me he is stuck somewhere but still coming.And every gal in the auditorium was with her better half and here i was waiting for this better half to be to arrive!!10 marks already deducted!! The National Anthem played and the show began,hilarious!!!!then he called me and said amefika when the play was half way done!Really my guy!!Really!!Then this was the not expected!!He was dressed the same way as the coffee date!Ngai!!Really!!Really my Guy!!I beg ooohhh.Okay the comedy was funny,we laughed and then left,he escorted me to my stage and i took a mat home.Yes i went home a bit dissapointed but the comedy kinda gave me a sigh.

So after the second date we kept talking and he said he wanted to make up for the latness.I told him not to sweat it but he insisted.I agreed and he offered to take me on a tour to TRM on the last Saturday of the month.We fixed the date,and i was super excited.I have seen pics of the place and i was longing to go there with my lil sister for a treat and here was a chance fully  catered for.So usually i work on Saturdays till 1.00pm so due to the excitement i was in town by 1.15pm already aboard Route 44 heading for TRM!I alighted and i called him and told him i was here. Then to my utter surprise again,he was dressed the same same way like in the past two dates!!Really!!Really my guy!!How!!Do you know how i struggled to look my best on this TRM date!!Somebody pinch me!

Okay we proceeded to TRM.took a round tour then he led me to the food court.Okay in any sane woman’s mind,when a guy takes you to a Mall and leads you to a food court,you expect that he is loaded to his toes.We took our place and these waiters and waitresses bombarded our table with like 5 menus.Jeez how do you even choose what to eat with all the choices,,the real meaning of spoilt for choices.So i settled for Fries and fingers and a milkshake,fries  fingers 300 bob and milkshake 285 bob.Total bill 585.he was a bit hesitant about making an order. i suspected he had no cash but hey,you brought me to a food court,had you wanted us to have a snack you should have mentioned that,it was lunch time and i was dying to feed the minyoos in my stomach.I told him to eat what i had ordered and he did.Total bill 885 bob.Not even 1000 bob was spent on that date.

We ate,talked,laughed,talked about people in the food court,laughed until it was time for me to pace.He comes from around Roysambu so you know i thought maybe he’ll take me over to his place and show me where he lived this being our third date. I told him it was time for me to leave and he called the waitress and paid for the two plates of fries and fish fingers,600 bob.So i waited for him to clear the milkshake bill but he was not.In my mind i thought he was waiting for change but the waitress didn't come back.Funny when he was paying for the fries,he took out the money from under the table,who does that??Usually i’m used to guys chucking cash and putting the money on the table and then the waitress collects,correct me if i’m wrong.So my suspicions even got the better of me.So i waited again for him to pay for the milkshake,still didn't make a move.

He finally gathered up courage and asked me for  60 Bob to top up the bill.Really my guy!!The bill that was not even 1000 bob!!I had 1000 bob in my sling bag,usually when going for any date,i carry cash just in case kuna mtu atafanya mwingine achonge viazi,and i normally eat what i can afford.On top of the 1000 bob i had 100 bob i gave him to go clear the bill and he brought back 40bob.And i went home!!DISSAPOINTED!!My girl in the office was waiting for stories of how fun it was!!You can imagine!Same clothes!!less 60bob. Jeez!!How much would it have costed him to take me to his place which was just around TRM and make lunch?A quatre of meat costs 100bob!!But he chose to impress me with TRM food court which ended up disappointing me and disgracing the man in him.

I stand corrected but IF YU AINT GOT O MONEY,DON’T TRY TOO HARD!!The kikuyus say,SCRATCH YOURSELF WHERE YOU CAN REACH. AND BUY SOME CLOTHES…Match my standards dude!!How will i introduce you to my girls looking like that!!Dress up!!! And that was how 60 bob made me change my mind about him.

MY SIXTY BOB DATE.